Message of Hope

We are married now for 2 years and as I have mentioned in my last blog, we are hoping to have a baby soon…

Baby Bubbles and Baby Gerard


Last March 12, 2010, I got a pregnancy kit to check if I was positive. I was not expecting anything because I have checked several times and the result was always NEGATIVE... But this time... I saw 2 pink lines on the stick!!! It was around 5:30 AM and I literally cried when I saw that... Gerard thought something was wrong… and so I gave him the pee stick.. He just said... “so ano?” Of course, how can I expect him to know what the 2 lines mean.... I said… Positive! He asked why I was crying… I just said I am overjoyed….


We went to the doctor the next day but we were told to just come back after two weeks. At that time I was only 5 weeks pregnant and it’s too early to see the baby. Those two weeks were filled with joyful anticipation and excitement… I downloaded applications for my iphone for anything related to pregnancy. I even borrowed a book on what to expect during the nine months… I really felt I was pregnant. Though I don’t have the morning sickness, I experienced something really weird… I suddenly dislike Gerard’s cooking… I prefer to eat out or to eat somewhere else… Just the thought of Gerard cooking, makes me feel queasy…


Oh well, the ultrasound day came… it was actually the first time that I looked forward to have the ultrasound… When it was my turn… The doctor said that I should not be nervous… and honestly, I was not… I was so excited… and then she looked… and all I saw from the monitor was a sac… no sign of the baby…


The doctor said that maybe I am just delayed and we can wait for 2 more weeks… These 2 weeks became weeks of agony instead of excitement… I searched online for similar cases… There I came across of the term – BLIGHTED OVUM. This is also known as “anembryonic pregnancy” which happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. Cells develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A high level of chromosome abnormalities usually causes a woman’s body to naturally miscarry.


Upon reading all articles, I became 90% sure that my pregnancy is a case of “blighted ovum”. I cannot explain my emotions at that time… it was too painful… too hard to accept… but then, as I have mentioned, I cannot do anything… I just lifted everything to God. Below was my prayer:

Thank you for the 2 weeks of indescribable happiness. Thank you for letting me feel the extreme joy of seeing two lines in my pregnancy test. Thank you for the 2 weeks of feeling pregnant. Thank you for the hope that a baby is about to grow in my womb. Thank you for the wonderful people who made me feel special... Shared the joy and continued to pray for us. I still would like to thank you for the next two weeks. Whatever the outcome may be... Good or bad... We entrust our lives to you. We may not understand Your plan for us... But we know it is the best...

For the meantime... Allow me to grieve and feel this rollercoaster type of emotions... Allow me to weep and show the sign of weakness... I know I will be okay... I just want to let this out...


After another 2 weeks, as expected… it was confirmed. It was an anembryonic pregnancy. The doctor said that I really became pregnant so it is just normal to weep and grieve for our loss. She said that blighted ovum is a fluke of nature. It happens to anyone and it doesn’t mean that we have problems.

At that time, I have accepted my case and I was ready to move on. I had my D&C after another week in Makati Med.

Dilation (or dilatation) and curettage (D&C) refers to the dilation (widening/opening) of the cervix and surgical removal of part of the lining of the uterus and/or contents of the uterus by scraping and scooping (curettage).

The procedure by definition is scary… but it was okay since I was unconscious the whole time. It just took around 30 minutes for the D&C.

Now I can say I am okay. I was able to recover from our loss. Though my pregnancy lasted for only a short period of time, Gerard and I learned a lot from our experience.

It gave us hope. It made our marriage stronger. It made us to trust in God more.






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