Let go and let God part 2

Disclaimer: The first part of this speech was actually taken from a previous post on this blog.

This is my speech no. 10 for Toastmasters. Yahoo! I am now a competent communicator!

======================================================================

Let go and let God. This is the title of my toastmaster’s speech no. 1. It talks about my life, the obstacles that I went through and how I lived by my motto – to just let go and let God.

Now that this is my speech no. 10, I think it is just fitting that I end my toastmaster’s journey with a speech about my new life – a life of a new mother.

Allow me first to share the first instance, a tip of the iceberg, my first pregnancy.

 

Actual photo of my PT

March 2010, I got a pregnancy kit to check if I was positive. I was not expecting anything because I have checked several times and the result was always NEGATIVE... But lo and behold, I saw 2 pink lines on the stick!!! It was around 5:30 AM when I checked and I literally cried. I was overjoyed.

We went to the doctor the next day but we were told to just come back after two weeks. At that time I was only 5 weeks pregnant and it’s too early to see the baby. Those two weeks were filled with joyful anticipation and excitement… I downloaded applications for my iphone for anything related to pregnancy. I even borrowed a book on what to expect during the nine months… I really felt I was pregnant. Though I don’t have the morning sickness, I experienced something really weird… I suddenly dislike Gerard’s cooking… I prefer to eat out or to eat somewhere else… Just the thought of Gerard cooking, makes me feel queasy…

Just a sample of a "blighted ovum" ultrasound
Photo taken from the internet



Oh well, the ultrasound day came, the doctor said that I should not be nervous and honestly, I was not… I was so excited… and then she looked… and all we saw from the monitor was a sac… no sign of the baby…

The doctor said that maybe I am just delayed and we can wait for 2 more weeks… These 2 weeks became weeks of agony instead of excitement… I searched online for similar cases… There I came across of the term – BLIGHTED OVUM. This is also known as “anembryonic pregnancy” which happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. Cells develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A high level of chromosome abnormalities usually causes a woman’s body to naturally miscarry.
Upon reading all articles, I became 90% sure that my pregnancy is a case of “blighted ovum”. I cannot explain my emotions at that time… it was too painful… too hard to accept… but then, as I have mentioned, I cannot do anything… I just lifted everything to God. Allow me to share my prayer at that time:

Thank you for the 2 weeks of indescribable happiness. Thank you for letting me feel the extreme joy of seeing two lines in my pregnancy test. Thank you for the 2 weeks of feeling pregnant. Thank you for the hope that a baby is about to grow in my womb. Thank you for the wonderful people who made me feel special... Shared the joy and continued to pray for us. I still would like to thank you for the next two weeks. Whatever the outcome may be... Good or bad... We entrust our lives to you. We may not understand Your plan for us... But we know it is the best...as always, we will just let go and let God.

For the meantime... Allow me to grieve and feel this rollercoaster type of emotions... Allow me to weep and show the sign of weakness... I know I will be okay... I just want to let this out...

After another 2 weeks, as expected… it was confirmed. It was an anembryonic pregnancy. The doctor said that I really became pregnant so it is just normal to weep and grieve for our loss. She said that blighted ovum is a fluke of nature. It happens to anyone and it doesn’t mean that we have problems.

At that time, I have accepted my case. I had my D&C, a procedure to remove the sac, after another week in Makati Med.

After sometime, I was ready to move on. I just had to let go. I was able to recover from our loss. Though my pregnancy lasted for only a short period of time, Gerard and I learned a lot from our experience.
It gave us hope. It made our marriage stronger. As I  let go, I let God took over my life.



Actual Photo of PT (4 weeks and 6 days)



A year later, April 2011, I realized that my period is a few days delayed. We were again hopeful that maybe this is the perfect time, our time to have a baby. I again had my pregnancy test and after a few seconds, I saw two lines. I was happy but of course after the first experience, I controlled my emotions. I have a scheduled business trip to Malaysia the following week and another leisure trip to Singapore 2 weeks after so I was afraid that my trips will be harmful to our baby. But the doctor assured us that if the baby is healthy, my pregnancy will push through. It is as if God is telling us to let go and not be worried about our baby. It is a gentle reminder to us to just let God do His mighty works upon me.  



As soon as we arrive from my trips, we scheduled our first ultrasound.



Actual Ultrasound of Giulia Bernice at 8 weeks



It felt like heaven, I already saw our little baby. She was alive, her heart is beating 161 beats per minute. It was so surreal. We will soon be parents. Thank God for this greatest blessing.

As months passed by, Gerard and I had mixed emotions. We cannot wait to see our little princess. As first time parents, we only want the best for our baby. We did a lot of researches, attended birthing and breastfeeding classes and all other things so that we will be equipped with enough knowledge on child rearing. Of course, we also did a lot of shopping of baby stuff. Gerard even bought our stroller, car seat, infant tub in the US and had it shipped here.

I was still due on the 31^st of December but we really hoped that I give birth earlier. True enough, my water bag broke at around 2 am of December 12 and gave birth to a 5.11 lbs cute baby girl at 1:37 PM. Giulia Bernice G. Samson was born.

   
<><>

<><>

Giulia Bernice G. Samson







Giulia at 3 1/2 months

Time really flies so fast. Giulia is now 3 ½ months. Having a baby is truly life changing. It is tough but definitely rewarding.

I know we will encounter humps and bumps along the way as we raise our little princess. But I am confident that we will be able to pull through as long as we have complete trust in God.

And now, as I end my toastmaster’s journey, allow me to use the same ending as I have in my first speech, as always, I will let go and let God.